Review and photos – Little Foot Long Foot at the Pyramid Cabaret, Winnipeg, Aug 8 2009

– text by eugene osudar/photos by Dallas Ludwick

The Real Guitar

Some excuses,
cottage weekend,
Everywhere, Manitoba
Anywhere, Ontario.
air guitar
championships,
Royal Albert Arms.
trout lake music
festival, Ontario.
Woodstock
tribute,
Times Changed.

there’s less than 25
people. and mostly,
they’re in the other
bands. The Pyramid
holds 400. do the math,
feel the emptiness, the
cavernous desolation.

no matter what’s what,
you got to play it,
Hard
Fast
Rules.

HFR

the way they did it,
in the beginning,
when there was nobody
watching.

just an empty space
fill it up with instruments
a deep dark place
a basement.
a little comfort,
a living room
a rented studio,

a garage and a dream.

Little Foot Long Foot
you find the name
that fits
and a philosophy
to play by
Loud Fast Rules
Big Heavy
Sweet Sexy
or,
Hard Fast Rules,

HFR,

a garage and a dream,
that’s a title,
of a song,
of an albummmmm.

www.myspace.com/littlefootlongfootband

dirty, filthy, straight
edge,
Isaac’s head’s
in the line of fire,
careful with that sharp ax,
Joan. Harsh Words,
that’s the CD. now,
get the picture,
imagine it,
she’s wielding his
ax as he’s splayed out
on the floor,
she’s spitting her
Harsh Words
down on him
ready to split him up
into so many pieces.

Isaac Klein’s in a kilt,
settling behind the drum
kit. he’s big, real big. so
is his hair, swirling big
curls.
he’s gonna pound the f’ing
sh#t out of those stretched
canvas(s)
skins. doin’ it Big.

Joan Smith’s in the tight
blues, jeans,
strapping on her Big
Heavy (guitar). “it looks
good on her,” says me
to Dallas, “like it’s part
of her and extension of
her soul.”
that
Big,Heavy
Fits.
just right.
like her jeans.

the set,

Half Man Half Mule
Thank You
No Holiday
Fake Cowboys
June Bug
Two Towns Over
King Hipster
(untitled new song)
Marriage Ain’t A Promise
Stripper Song
Isolation Blues

Joan’s voice is the Big Heavy
not husky,highly pitched
and powerful(l)y coming
at you
full-on-attack
from all sides.
it fills you
pierces your defenses
your Big Heavy armor
like her playing
the Big Heavy (guitar)
it’s an ax
cutting you up
smashing your bones
you’re trembling
alone in the dark
and she’s coming for you
with her Big Heavy(s).
and her Harsh Words,
hacking you down
at the knees
you’re begging
for it
her sweet mercy,
please Joan
please.

“You thought you were poetic
it turns out
that you just never shave”
from King Hipster,
the first lines.
cutting This and That Fool
down to size.

from Marriage Ain’t A Promise,
“Marriage ain’t a promise
it will leave you
all alone/you think
you’ve won the race
but just wait
till you’re at home.”

“I’m so tired of all these Fake Cowboys…
they never leave the city
they always smell so clean
i think i smell b.s.”

these sharp,
Harsh Words
ax blade sharp
hacking you down,
down down,
six feet under
the cold cold
ground, in an
unmarked grave.
where you belong.
worm food.

just me and Dallas
by the stage, she
says, “i feel bad for them,
there’s no one dancing,
they’re very danceable.”

and that’s The Honest
Harsh Truth. we’re feeling
bad, the excuses
have been made.

after the harshly rocking,
HFR set,
Joan and i talk about
that Big Heavy guitar.

she’s ecstatic when
i tell her that it fits so
right on her. that i knew
she would rock when
i saw her Strap It On.

Joan tells me a story
of her old friend from
The Manvils. it was his
guitar. one of eight.
she tells me how he smashes
his guitars and rocks it
on stage, The Manvils
are on the Must-See list
now (thanks Joan).
he was overdrawn at
the bank. deep in debt.
he said that’s a guitar
he doesn’t play, and so they
came to a mutually satisfying
agreement. relieving his debt.
she tells me how Big Heavy
that guitar felt on her and
now, she can’t stand playing
without it. Her Hot Big Heavy.

i tell her
about The Hot Live Guys
and Joe the guitarist
his Big Heavy
on and off stage
performance. his dance
with personal
and audience
destruction.

we talk about our mutual
awe
of Monotonix.

we come to an unspoken
understanding

we love music
that’s loud and intense
and moves you
to smash through
air guitar
to The Real Guitar
Big Heavy
HFR
rock n roll.

and that’s
the essence of
the philosophy
and the vision
of Joan and Isaac’s
Little Foot Long Foot.