Sarah Palin and family.

Scurrilous Ephemera Nov. 3 2009 – Plus: sparkly vampire fave Robert Pattinson.

– by Stephanie MacDonald

That pesky, perky Sarah Palin’s archnemesis, Levi Johnston, is continuing the trashy Alaskan family saga by making claims that he is not being allowed to see his son Tripp, that he has some explosive information that could implode Sarah’s presidential hopes for 2012, and that he’s decided to let it all hang out for Playgirl. The rational response to all this information, of course, is: “No Way! Playgirl still exists? Why?” One also has to wonder if there is anything more effective in the derailment of Sarah’s political ambitions than simply listening to Sarah for five minutes. Perhaps reading what she has to say in her new memoir Going Rogue, but we’ll have to wait until December to find out; the very same day that Levi’s assuredly tasteful and sporty nudie pictorial comes out! Could it be a coincidence? Or is that crafty Levi once again using the powerful weapon of political destruction between his legs to thwart the Palin dynasty?

Sparkly-vampire-portrayer Robert Pattinson is on the cover of Vanity Fair this month and basically has this to say to Twilight diehards (or Twihards): “You are deranged and I hate you all. Please leave me alone.” Oh, and he says he’s not going out with that grumpy-pants chick, Kristen either, which is strange because a number of restaurant people in Vancouver who saw them frequently while they were filming New Moon say that they were definitely together. So he’s lying. And maybe he’s lying about hating Twihards too! So keep on with your mobbing and stalking, he’s probably just being coy.

Anderson Cooper has an adorable, accomplished and interesting flame, one with whom he’s spending time in India at the moment. Evidently they are in talks to purchase a townhome in Uptown New York together, not far from the gym where they often work out. So often, in fact, that for the last six months, Page Six has been taking pictures of them and calling this flame “Anderson’s personal trainer.” But Benjamin Maisani is not a personal trainer, no, he owns a gay bar! Which means that Anderson is dating a man and that man owns a gay bar. Ergo, Anderson is gay. Please don’t go telling middle America though.