Scurrilous Ephemera Nov. 4 2009 – Lindsay Lohan out and about. Plus: Stone Roses’ Ian Brown arrested following a domestic disturbance.

– by Stephanie MacDonald

Lindsay Lohan is back to wrapping her leggings around those in possession of a Y chromosome again these days, according to, oh, myriad sources near and far. And she went about as far into that territory as she could; the starlet was caught smooching the studly/oaf-ish Gerard Butler of 300 fame recently while in Morocco. You can’t help but root for the girl, she’s had so many missteps lately, and her father is still shooting off his pathetic, attention-desperate ex-con mouth about how he’s going to kidnap her and send her to rehab. At least she’s acting rationally; if that were your dad, wouldn’t you escape to some African country with the most Neanderthal-type companion you could find as well? Somehow I doubt Sam Ronson would be much of a match for old psycho Michael Lohan.

The former singer for Stone Roses, Ian Brown, has been arrested in London after a domestic disturbance involving his wife Fabiola Quiroz. Firstly: please people, stop beating on your partners, it is so incredibly not cool. Having said that, I have to mention that Stone Roses are the best band ever! If I were the judge I would order that Ian re-band the Roses immediately or face time behind bars (because idle hands are obviously the devil’s plaything).

Ian Brown of the Stone Roses.

It’s been leaked that Kirstie Alley is going to begin filming an A&E reality show about her struggles with her weight and her life as a single mum. Seriously, A&E! What happened to “arts and entertainment”? Biography was addicting, and you were the first network to show reruns of Law & Order back when there was only one version, and it was excellent. One was often about artists, and it was an artful, innovative serial documentary format, and the other one was dramatic, skillfully written and acted, and they were both consummate entertainment. Now what is going on? Hogan Knows Best? Dog the Bounty Hunter? Gene Simmons’ Family Jewels? And now a snoozefest about a washed-up actress dieting and being frustrated by her kids? Next up, A&E’s newest ratings smash: Stephanie MacDonald Blogs in Her PJs While Drinking Tea and Occasionally Yelling at Small Barking Dog!

Signing off on a thrillingly positive note, Hollywood Finally Does Something Right edition: Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin are co-hosting the Oscars this year! The Oscars are usually so excruciatingly long and boring it’s usually best to turn off the TV after Ryan Seacrest endures his routine and hilarious snubbing by Angelina Jolie (to see what everyone was wearing you’re better off just going to gofugyourself.com), but this year will be different. Two of the most sincerely talented, suave, amusing and–ahem, attractive (I know, they’re old! But somehow they make old so hot!) celebrities of our time working together should be fun to watch. Okay, yes I know, untwisting knickers time… there, done.