Heidi Montag March 11, 2009.
Between a Rock and…
Radar, which seems to have the scoop on everything Tiger these days, is reporting that Elin has called off the divorce for now and has been visiting her sexaholic hubby in rehab. Tiger hasn’t been interviewed, because she actually smashed his face in with that driver and he’s still healing from the surgery needed to fix him up, which prompted some of us to conclude that we’d rather be cheated on than smashed in the face with a golf club while sleeping. Does this count as sympathy?
Go Natalie Go!
Dear little Natalie Portman, best known for her myriad roles playing random dudes’ manic pixie dream girl, dating hairy men and harping on about being a vegan, is now being accused of homewrecking. Her new lover, whom you’ve never heard of, is a New York ballet dancer and the choreographer of her new film, and they have been doing sexytimes since this fall. The catch is that he was happily shacked up with his ballerina girlfriend until Natalie came along and seduced him away from the poor girl and will now proceed to use, abuse and confuse him before tossing him aside like a crusty used hanky for her next hunky conquest. Which is exactly the way I would act if I was rich and single and looked remotely like Natalie Portman. Go girl! Kidding?
H for Heidi!
Heidi Montag Pratt, who still looks vaguely human at this point (the girl can’t win – first she’s horsey, then when she gets a major surgery overhaul she looks like a crazy cyborg created by an alien who once saw a picture of a human in a scrap of a page in Maxim magazine), now wants more surgery so she can increase her bra size to an H-cup. “H for Heidi!” is her explanation for this decision.
Meanwhile, at the Sundance Film Festival…
News from the Sundance Film Festival: In case you were under the impression that Sundance was about films or something, well, we haven’t heard very much about them. However, Stephanie Pratt (the evil Spencer Pratt’s sister) was there with a huge entourage throwing hissy fits when she wasn’t allowed in places. Jon Gosselin is there also and has been told to not bother showing up for the swag rooms because brands do not want to be associated with him, except Ed Hardy. Related: wouldn’t it be funny if Jon got on steroids and in the tanning bed and then hooked up with Snooki [from Jersey Shore – Ed.]? Anyways, the hero of our times, Vince the ShamWow Guy has also been spotted, and described by the tipster as “All railed up, super tall and his face had scars, most likely from the Cannibal Hooker!” Worth your ticket to Utah, right there.
This is Stephanie Pratt.
